Pastry & Bullsh*t

Few things in the world please this baker more than Notorious B.I.G. One possible contender is butter-heavy pastry products. So imagine the joy in the Bakery when this was stumbled across whilst making these Danish pastries. French hip-hop fiend Just Dizle has put together a mind-melting mix of Notorious tracks, as comprehensive as it is compelling.

It's a school night after a week-long blow-out, so alas pastry is all that's being baked - but here's how to enjoy it sans chronic:

1. Make the pastry, whilst hiding from the distress contained within Eastenders
2. Check that the recipe call for an entire pack of butter is correct
3. Add the horrifying amount of butter into the middle of the pastry thing and try not to visualise a large buttery gravestone
4. Roll it about like the recipe says whilst getting lost in a BIG-influenced reverie
5. Watch in dismay as all of said butter melts onto your sideboard
6. Take influence from the lyrics and salvage mixture (ideally whilst imagining it is a "batch" of "crack" being "cooked"
7. Add more butter in the middle (no, really)
8. Leave for 30 mins and do not treat yourself to a mid-cookery victory bifta
9. Having not had a mid-cookery victory bifta and remembered to check on the whirls in the oven on time, do not weep as you disinter the charred remains
10. Give up and have a crumpet.

Rest in peace Christopher Wallace. And go bollocks, BBC Good Food. Photo-narrative after the jump...

Sausage-based guilt

I defy anyone to find a breakfast more guilty. The only way to eat this is in the street like a tramp. Otherwise you aren't living life properly

Late night pilfering

Bread is permanently in the gaff - but that's usually the extent of pre-planning when it comes to stocking up on ingredients. But don't underestimate the power of the oats dem. It's funny how creative you can be with a fridge full of other people's savoury food, some Hendo's and an appetite which can't be reigned in by man or beast...

Sandwich Del Dia in action

Ol' red eye is back - and this time he's reet hungry. I was relaxed enough to give this egg butty combo a whirl on Sunday eve at a time long past the witching hour. Ostensibly they were made for Monday lunch but they tasted so sweet and salty that they'd disappeared before I even left the house on Monday morning.

I repeated the experience on Monday evening aided with a camera and a less rapacious appetite. These little fellas survived until Tuesday lunch. Then, as they thoroughly deserved, they got totally murked...



Holler



Fuck. Yo. Pan.



Where the magic happens



The grail



Mash up



Mayo up



Bread up



Voila

Sandwich del Dia

Inspired by the intriguing, Time-Out-aping '10 LONDON SANDWICHES YOU MUST EAT' post richocheting round everyone's timeline today, the Second Baker has put together a handy guide to an excellent red-eyed snack:

1. Hardboil your eggs until hard (obvs).
2. Unpeel shell and mash up in a bowl with shitloads of salt, pepper and (the key ingredient), mayonnaise
3. Mash it up (MASH UP!)
4. Stick the resulting mess inbetween two slices of (nice) bread
5. Insert into gob until you're nibbling at the air

Hopefully pictures of this will follow soon.